How’d I End Up On Top Of This Mountain

I spent decades of my life avoiding… Nature. And I was good at it- nay, I was amazing! My skin was an actively cultivated pasty color, I had a plethora of indoorsy activities I excelled at such as reading and taking BuzzFeed quizzes to find out what color 90’s scrunchy I am.

But the day finally came. The day when I ventured Out. Of. Doors. *sirens in the distance, children crying, mothers clutching their wee babes to their chest in fear*. And like a million other women in the world, my newfound change in my outlook on life came because I was just too damn busy. Continue reading “How’d I End Up On Top Of This Mountain”

Tom’s Thumb(elina)

Look at the high tax bracket dollars at work!

On Saturday morning Jen and Ellen-the Hiking Posse-picked me up and we went up to the Scottsdale McDowell Sonoran Preserve to hike the much lauded Tom’s Thumb Trail. This preserve is in North Scottsdale-super swanky. I mean, the kind of swank where the McDonald’s is made to look like the other buildings and doesn’t even look like a McDonald’s. Classy.

So we are heading up there and a bit of a warning: if you get motion sick, maybe not ride in the backseat of the car heading up to the trailhead. Yuck. Anyway, we park and hit the trail. Continue reading “Tom’s Thumb(elina)”


Since last week we did a very strenuous hike at Tom’s Thumb, this week we decided to go for length and not difficulty (winky face). In preparing for our upcoming trip we wanted to make sure that we were good to go for all kinds of trails. We got the elevation portion down, but distance was something we wanted to work on. So we did part of the Classic Trail at South Mountain Preserve. It is a long trail, so we decided to do about 5 miles of it.

A favorite for bikers we were prepared to move to the side of the trail every five minutes to make way. Continue reading “Classic”

The Heat!!

Besides being an amazing movie starring Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy (they are truly national treasures), the heat is also a Phoenician’s arch nemesis. Especially if you are outdoorsy at all. If you are a hiker, it requires you to get up- essentially- the night before to be at the trailhead at dawn when it is only 80-90 degrees instead on 115. Or it means long drives to go up North where it is marginally cooler. Continue reading “The Heat!!”

Zion: Or, How We Traveled Almost 1000 Miles to Hike 16.

I am super behind on writing this post about our trip to Zion. And it’s not because I have been super busy. I mean, I have because I am a functioning adult female in 2018 and life is a nightmare, but nothing new. But, you all know how it feels: after a trip of any kind you don’t really want to talk or think about it. It’s as if you are burnt out on the topic. I mean, when you add in the planning, the preparation, then the travel, THEN the actual trip, by the time you come back to reality you are sick of talking about it. So much so that you might-for example-roll your eyes at your lovely coworkers that repeatedly ask how your trip was because they are genuinely curious of how you spent your time and love you (and if I did that, I am so sorry ladies, you deserve better than me impersonating Oscar the Grouch). But it happens to the best of us. And with that long-ass explanation out of the way, here is how the trip began!

P.S if you want to laugh, watch this comedian describe why the word “ass” is the most complicated word in the English language. Could not stop laughing. I think we actually quoted this during one of the hikes. Continue reading “Zion: Or, How We Traveled Almost 1000 Miles to Hike 16.”

Zion: The One Where We Actually Hike

Hiking. Yeah, this is a hiking blog so let’s talk about that. Picture it: Utah, 2018. On Friday morning we all wake up super early to eat and hit the trails. And it is freezing- to me. It is a high of 50 degrees- and trust me, it wasn’t that high at 7:00 a.m.- and wind gusts of 10- 20 mph. We decided to save the super strenuous trails for Saturday because we thought if we did them on Friday there would be no hiking on Saturday. Just a lot of moaning and pain. So for Friday we were going to do some of the more moderate trails, more scenic, etc.

But before we get into that, can we talk about how awe-inspiring this place was. Continue reading “Zion: The One Where We Actually Hike”

Zion Part 3: The One Where I Can’t Feel My Legs

So this was the Big Day. Our morning started off much the same as the previous-early. Our plan was to start with Angel’s Landing- because you gotta- and see how we felt after that, but I was down to keep on going. We drove all that way and it was a hiking trip after all. So we piled onto the bus and drove to the drop off point. And we started Up. And Up. And Up. But not before going Right. Then Left. Then Right. Then Left.

You see, when they created the trail to Angel’s Landing, they let a terrifying sadist named Walter design it. Walter, unhappy with life in general and detesting hikers specifically, created what today is known as Walter’s Wiggles. A series of 26 switchbacks to get to the top of the Landing. What a dick. Continue reading “Zion Part 3: The One Where I Can’t Feel My Legs”